June 15 - A Mother's Guilt

Guilt

I try to be a good daughter, but sometimes I disappoint my mother. I bet this is a statement that all daughters have made. Mothers of course are the best at making a person feel guilt. I hope this is a skill that I do not feel the need to use on my children as they become adults.

I wrote about my Grandmother’s birthday yesterday. I am very happy for her and I love her with all my heart. Today, mMy mom and her siblings had cake and ice cream at the nursing home for Grandma. My mom called a couple weeks ago to let me know that they would be hosting a “small” party for Grandma, if I wanted to come. She told me it would be simple. I thought about driving out for the event. I did not have anything conflicting on my calendar, but the rest of my family either had a conflict or did not want spend a beautiful summer day in the car, driving two hours each way and only spend a couple hours visiting. I did not want to drive by myself, so I took the selfish route and did not go home for the day. My reasoning --- Grandma would be so busy with the other guest that she would not know I was there or not. I can go another time and spend more quality time with Grandma.

Then the dreaded call came about 5PM. My mom, “What came up that you did not attend today?” I told her the truth. She told me the names of all 40 people that did attend Grandma’s “small” party today and how far they traveled to be with Grandma on her 95th birthday. Yes, the guilt set in! She told me how cute my cousin’s baby is and all the thing she is doing and it was too bad that I missed it. She told me about all the people that asked where I was. Grandma did not ask about me, but she asked about my brother. Mom explained that he was not able to make it. Grandma scolded my mom, for not raising a better son. I got the message it meant daughter too. More guilt!

I knew when I made the decision I would feel guilty about not attending. I did take the selfish route my not attending. I could have drove by myself and been just fine or I could have played the guilt game on one of my family members to get them to go with me. I took the easy way out, but I did learn from the day. I learned that investing time is more important than investing energy or resources into people. It was important to my mom to have me there today and I let her down. I hope I remember this the next time I am faced with a decision like this.

Blessings
Robin